My Grandad spent most of the war on the lookout out for German bombers. He was a lifeguard at Berlin Swimming Baths.

America only considers a war a success if we build a Bed Bath and Beyond in the enemy's capital.

Hey General Motors, what about an electronic drum set on the steering wheel? You're welcome.

If I was in the military, I would be a sniper. That way I can lie down a lot.