A man goes to a fortune teller. She lets out a gasp. ""What is it?"" he asks. ""Your future is very grim, my child."" says the fortune teller. ""What is it? Tell me!"" responds the man. ""I cannot say it, but I will right it down."" says the fortune teller. She writes down something on a piece of paper and hands it to the man. The man stuffs it in his coat pocket without reading it. Later that evening, the man tells his wife about the experience. ""Show me the piece of paper then."" says his wif…

A man goes to war and his wife vows to not wash at all untill he returns! Ten years later, he returns and his wife meets him at the airport. After they get in a car the wife asks: ""Whats wrong? You haven't spoken a word since you came"" and the husband replies: ""I'm waiting for you to fart so I can catch some air"" It was pretty funny when I was s kid!

I came back from war to find out that I had missed the birth of my wife's second child. Turns out, I also missed the conception.

The Golden Screw (very long) So one day a man and his wife are expecting a baby. As they settle down for the night, the wife suddenly gasps and tells him ""It's time!"" so they hurry out to the car and race to the hospital. After hours that feel like days, she finally gives birth to a healthy baby boy, and as they both gaze lovingly on him they see he has all the right number of fingers and toes, shining bright eyes, and a cute little giggle. In short, a wonderful child. As time passes, they set…