The Golden Screw (very long) So one day a man and his wife are expecting a baby. As they settle down for the night, the wife suddenly gasps and tells him ""It's time!"" so they hurry out to the car and race to the hospital. After hours that feel like days, she finally gives birth to a healthy baby boy, and as they both gaze lovingly on him they see he has all the right number of fingers and toes, shining bright eyes, and a cute little giggle. In short, a wonderful child. As time passes, they set…

A Bright Future In Sales A country boy moves to the city and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I worked at the general store back in Possum Holler." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough, but he got t…

me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*

*toddler screaming in car seat* Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home. Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?