*toddler screaming in car seat* Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home. Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?

[driver on opposite side of the road puts head lights on] moth driving: omg moth wife: Harold no we have a baby moth baby: FLOOR IT DAD

Fishing and tampons... A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, ""Do you have any sales experience?"" The kid says, ""Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."" The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. ""You start tomorrow. Ill come down after we close and see how you did."" His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. ""How many sales did you make tod…

Nun in a taxi... A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'' ''Well, I've always had a f…