4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby

jesus could get on twitter and be like "fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!" and someone would be like "you're".

Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .

If you watch Beauty & the Beast backwards a grown man devolves into a monster then into a petulant little boy. It's basically Twitter.