4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby

jesus could get on twitter and be like "fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!" and someone would be like "you're".

A Girl on Twitter, finally gave birth,Now she's been tweeting her baby pics every 20min & Makes me feel I am raising her child with my Data

Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .