[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

My kid just randomly recited my wife's cell phone number that we had no idea he knew. Now we're getting fitted for suits and hitting Vegas.

Why would I want to talk to your baby? On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

Wife: You act like a child with that phone. Me: Child? I'm a grown ass man. Wife: Let me see your phone. Me: No. *snatches phone Me: MINE