HIM: You know what we should do at our wedding reception? [at the same time] ME: Murder-suicide HIM: The chicken dance!

A woman gives birth to twins An old fisherman and his wife settle down and decide to have some kids. The wife ends up giving birth to twins, both boys. Eventually as the babies grow the couple notice that the two never face the same way. Wherever one of them looks the other is always facing the opposite direction, no matter what they do. The couple decide to name them Toward and Away. The kids grow and have a happy childhood despite this strange behavior and when they turn 10 years old their fat…

A New Zealander and his son The mother of a New Zealand family passed away, leaving behind her husband and son. They were poor farmers and in order to give his son a better life, the father sent the son away to university. It's been a year, and the son didn't contact his father even once. Two years, and still not a word. Five years and all the father heard back was silence. After ten years, the father assumed his son was already dead, when one day he runs into him on the street. ""Son, where hav…

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog