Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college.

[commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?

This census and Tax stuff is crap. I want to live in a country that doesn't assign homework.

Your college degree doesn't mean you're smart, it just means you're in debt.