Baby sharks can hunt for food as soon as they are born and my children cannot find their underwear drawer.

I have no problem feeding my kid something that fell on the floor, so I get it, restaurant employees.

"Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.

Sorry my diet made me slap the oreo out of your toddler's hand and scream "NOT TODAY SATAN!"