[puts hand on wife's stomach as baby kicks] Come out here & try that.#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
My wife didn't post an essay thanking our kids for making her a mom on Facebook and now child services is on the way.#Facebook#Marriage#Kids#Parents+1 more0🔗 ShareWhatsApp