My girlfriend HATES it when I sneak up on her. According to her lawyer she also hates it when I call her my girlfriend ( ._.)

Girl: My dog bit my boyfriend. Me: Your dog is a good judge of character.

Dating tip: Girls love mysterious guys. For example, tell her "Im a lawyer.Or AM I?" then hum the Twilight Zone theme and turn into an eagle

Yes, 911?... Yeah, this guy is wearing green-colored skinny jeans and he has a really hot girlfriend. So do I judge him...or her?