me: this MAN thinks he's ENTITLED to my time! hey buddy i don't OWE you anything!! my boss: do you...know how jobs work

A guy walks into a doctor's office... ...with corn in his ears, a carrot shoved up his nose and a potato in his butt. Doctor says, ""Buddy, you're not eating right...""

A man walks into a bar... A man walks into a bar with a sad look on his face. The bartender asks ""What's the matter, buddy?"" ""I just got fired from my job. I don't know what I'm going to tell my wife and I've got two kids to look after."" ""Look, I tend to keep this to myself, but over in that closet there is a genie who will grant you one wish. Maybe he can help you out."" So the man heads over to the closet. Inside it's larger than he expected and there was actually two people inside. One s…

Dave is constantly bragging to everyone at work that he knows everyone in the world. Eventually, his boss has had enough of his shit, and tells Dave to prove it. So, Dave says ""sure, name someone, and I'll prove to you that I know them."" After a minute of thinking, the boss suggests Tom Cruise, and so off they go to see him. Once they arrive at Cruise's house, Dave knocks on the door, and is immediately buzzed in. Tom Cruise comes running down the stairs and says ""Dave old buddy, good to see …