[breaking up with girlfriend via the jumbotron] "Hey, check out the scoreboard while I grab a hot dog."

Girl: My dog bit my boyfriend. Me: Your dog is a good judge of character.

Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died? Me: Damnit Facebook not now. FB: Sorry... FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.

Whale: Hey did you hear I have a new girlfriend? She's aaall over me it's crazy. Eel: For the last time barnacles don't count as girlfriends