THERAPIST: what's the problem? WIFE: he replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

DOCTOR: If you don't exercise, there's really no point in dieting. ME: I can't wait to tell my wife the good news.

My wife just sent me a text " I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)" .....I hope she misspelled Xbox

Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda