My favorite sushi bar is the one where you can yell "ARF, ARF" like a seal and the chef throws raw fish in your mouth

alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"

A panda bear walks into a bar... A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, ""What do you want?"" The bartender replies, ""First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food."" The panda bear turns around and says, ""Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!"" The …

The Tortured Life of a Tractor Enthusiast (Very Shaggy Dog Joke!) So there was this guy Dave, and Dave had always loved tractors despite being a city boy. Ever since he had been 5 years old he had wanted to own one in particular, a massive green John Deere with yellow wheels. For his tenth birthday his parents brought him a poster of this tractor and Dave worshipped it. He had this poster above his bed and would gaze at it for hours before he went to sleep. As soon as he was old enough Dave drop…