I call McDonald's to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone

""Mummy, why did you call me Rose""? The lady's daughter asked. ""well"" her mother replied ""when you had just been born your father bought me some flowers for Valentine's day, and a rose petal dropped on your head, so we called you Rose."" Her daughter, satisfied with this response skips away happily. ""Mummy!"" her second daughter said ""why did you call me Lily?"" ""well"" responded her mother ""when you had just been born your father bought me some flowers for my birthday, and a Lily petal …

I wonder what Cannibals & Aztecs would say, watching civilized people eat symbolic hearts of loved ones on Valentine's Day.

I asked when my gym membership was up and the dude said "day before Valentine's Day" like I'm some genius who knows when Valentine's Day is.