[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

But officer, I put the phone down as soon as I saw that you saw me using it...

No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration.

[On the phone with the police for the 7th time in 2 weeks] "Sir, again, we cannot arrest your cat"