Grandma, stop asking people what they're supposed to be for Halloween-this is Walmart.

my chilli fart.... went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to Shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cup…

My grandma got me a gift card to Walmart for my birthday. She told me not to spend it all in one place.

Asian fortune teller A little old Asian ""psychic"" sets up shop outside of Walmart. Her first client is an elderly morbidly obese lady who rolls up in her scooter. ""I've been having some really bad luck lately. I was hoping you could help me figure out the root of the problem?"" The little old psychic takes her hand, and after probing it like a moldy peach for a bit. ""You cheat on diet? ""How could you tell? "" ""You haf at reast a good four chin""