I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.

One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said "death or becoming a pirate king" and he threw my cat Alan at me

Before I die, I'm putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames. My grand children will be so pwned.

Balls to you. A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a well-off family was asked by his father, `Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?' The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, `Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink …