The most useful lesson I learned from my cat is if somebody puts clothing on you, just freeze and flop over on your side.

Keep in mind that "The Cat in the Hat" is a lesson to your kids on how to throw a house party when you're gone...

Life lesson One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, ""You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."" A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig. When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. ""Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?"" asks the little boy. …

Husband and Wife go to a live stock show... ...and are passing through the bull section when they go up to a bull with a sign that indicates that the bull mated 12 times last year. The wife says, ""Honey, that's at least once a month. See, you could take a lesson from him."" The husband doesn't say anything and they keep going to the next bull. The sign indicates the bull mated 52 times last year. The wife says, ""Honey, that's at least once a week. See, you could take a lesson from him."" The h…