Asians are bad drivers cuz they're used to riding pandas while eating rice is that racist enough for you dad I'm sorry I wasn't in the war

*Lowers thermostat* *Dad puts it back* *Lowers thermostat again* *Dad puts it back again* The real Cold War

Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".

grampa: i was sent to war when ur mother was a baby. i didnt kno if i'd see her again me: noo my uber stopped on the other side of the road