Student: I want a bunny, but my dad says bunnies just die. Me: So? You're going to die, and he had you.

If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom

If my dad were alive today he would say, "Mark stop telling people I'm dead"

If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school.