I paid $5.99 for The Interview. I now want North Korea to kill me.

Hi, my name is USA, and I am... addicted to starting wars in Muslim countries. This is my first meeting and I'm a little nervous.

North Korea claiming they test fired a big rock at Russia.

Dave is constantly bragging to everyone at work that he knows everyone in the world. Eventually, his boss has had enough of his shit, and tells Dave to prove it. So, Dave says ""sure, name someone, and I'll prove to you that I know them."" After a minute of thinking, the boss suggests Tom Cruise, and so off they go to see him. Once they arrive at Cruise's house, Dave knocks on the door, and is immediately buzzed in. Tom Cruise comes running down the stairs and says ""Dave old buddy, good to see …