*[At the dinner table]* "No grandma, those aren't knitting needles. We're having Chinese food"

Overheard in a restaurant. Grandma: "Oh, I could really go for a Quickie right about now!" Grandpa: "It's pronounced a Quiche, dear!"

I wasn't entirely comfortable slaughtering that goat under the light of a full moon but grandma's gravy recipe was very specific.

A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook