😄 *puts kid in tub* *checks twitter* *forgets about kid* *tweets* *remembers kid* *finds kid-shaped pr...

4yo daughter: No matter how much I wipe there's still poo Me: *blocking people on twitter* Same, baby

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jesus could get on twitter and be like "fear not, child. i know for a fact that your going to heaven!" and someone would be like "you're".

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A Girl on Twitter, finally gave birth,Now she's been tweeting her baby pics every 20min & Makes me feel I am raising her child with my Data

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Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . .

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