"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously. "You certainly are" , replied the lawyer. Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says: To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars, to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars, and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."

If you roll out your chapstick more than an inch, I'll see you in court.