My grandma had a lock installed on her medicine cabinet poor thing no one's ever going to visit her again

If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping

*grammar police reads ransom note* "Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead" *grammar cop dies* "Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"

My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor.