Sir Im sorry I rear ended you but I was focused on not accidentally eating a purple jelly bean and you're handling this really insensitively

Did you hear the one about the captain's lucky shirt? So a pirate captain is walking along the deck of his ship, when all of a sudden the crier in the crows-nest yells ""Spanish treasure ship getting within range!"" So the captain rallies his men, and calls to his first mate ""First mate, get me my lucky red shirt"". The captain puts the shirt on and the pirates battle bravely and kill all the Spaniards and get an enormous horde of gold. After the battle, the first mate asks ""Captain, why do yo…

The Reporter in the Appalachian Mountains Life magazine sends one if its reporters to the Appalachian Mountains to gather life stories of the locals. On the first day, the reporter climbs up a mountain and there he encounters an old man sitting in a rocking chair on the front porch of his log cabin. ""Good morning, sir. I'm a reporter from Life magazine. I'm here to gather life stories from the folks living in this area. I have a question for you. What was the greatest day in your life?"" The ol…

There was a man in Ukraine who operated a train for a living. He showed up to work one day extremely drunk and starting hitting people on the tracks, killing a few before he was caught and arrested. State law deemed that death via the electric chair was an acceptable punishment for his deeds. The day he was put to death, they asked him for any last meals. His only request a single banana. They obliged, gave him his banana, and put him on the chair. The chair was activated, and to the executioner…