OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit

[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*

Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.

Bush, Obama and Trump go to a job interview with God... God asks Bush: ""What do you believe in?"" Bush answers: ""I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"" ""Very well"", says God. ""Come sit to my right."" Next, God asks Obama: ""What do you believe in?"" Obama answers: ""I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."" ""Good"", says God. ""You shall sit to my left."" Finally, God asks Trump: ""What do you believe in?"" Trump answers: ""I believe you're s…