[job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?

I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.

Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.