[job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

*wears a tuxedo tshirt to interview as a joke* McDonald's Manager: Oh wow, are you from corporate?

I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.

me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone