*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.

Two guys are hiking in the woods... Two guys are hiking in the woods when one gets bit on the asscheek by a snake. His friend calls 911 and asks what to do. The responder says to put his mouth on the bite and suck the venom out. He promptly hangs up the phone and his friend says ""what did they say"" He replies, ""You're gonna die buddy""

A man and his pet owl go out to the bar together It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, and eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shots, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my Owl."" The bartender sets them up and they down them. Suddenly, the Owl falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, p…

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the longest procession he's ever seen. It seems to consist of the hearse, followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred other men. After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners. ""Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief, but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen. What happened, who is the funeral for?"…