Just met John & Jane Doe and their lovely children Play, Tornay, Potay and Alfred.

Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?

It's too bad Batman's real name wasn't Bruce Bates, then Alfred would be saying Master Bates all the time.

[Security breach at Wayne manor] BRUCE: *brooding darkly* ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall