[high seas] FIRST MATE: I can't wait to see my wife again PIRATE: Land Ho! FIRST MATE: Now look, that's a little rude

One time a baby threw up in my mouth & it still wasn't as disgusting as Nicholas Cage's haircut in National Treasure 2.

Mail some pirates a treasure map leading to the exact spot where you need a hole dug for a tree.

The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.