Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit.

It's a hard life. Very long but a goodun: There once was a large large city and within this large large city was a large large park, within this there was a large large lake. By the shore of this stood a normal sized bench; on it their lived a hobo. This unfortunate gentleman lived their 365 days a year come rain or shine doing his best to get buy feasting on the pigeons and rats of the park whilst begging to support his addiction to drinking bleach. It is winter; our poor friend has just awoken…

A man is stranded in the middle of a desert. Thirsty and desperate, he stumbles upon a small camp owned by a priest. The priest sees him and decides to help the poor man by lending him his horse to ride to the nearest town. ""There's just one thing you need to know about this horse,"" says the priest. ""He's very religious, so to get him to move say 'Thank God', and say 'Amen' to get him to stop."" The man mounts up and starts to ride towards town, saying ""Thank God, Thank God,"" as the horse b…

An American, Russian, and Asian are stranded on a desert island... ... They decide in order to survive they will have to work together and plan on splitting up the day's work. The Russian was tasked with building a hut, the American was to search for food, while the Asian was to search for supplies. Each sets off in their separate directions. The Russian builds an excellent hut, complete with a floor and a waterproof roof. It was sturdy and comfortable. The American soon returns with enough food…