No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.

"Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?" - every Sears commercial

He said I won his heart and I was all "Ugh can I just win like $20? How about a sweater from Sears? A pencil? I could really use a pencil."

So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost) ...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. ""That's boxing, from Las Vegas."" The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goe…