[dog on trial for murder] lawyer: who's a good boy? dog: I am lawyer: your honor I rest my case

BEAR JUDGE: Counsel, this is your last warning, you cannot-- LAWYER: *plays dead* BEAR JUDGE: Where did he go

From an old National Lampoon record A guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his first act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. The comedian comes out for his second act of the evening and says, a guy walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm. Just then, a guy in the audience says, I think I've heard this before. The comedian says, maybe you caught my first act. The man says, not lik…

Two duck hunters You know about the two duck hunters who were found dead in Texas? The lawyer for the defence says the accused acted in self defence and that the community says duck lives matter too.