The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire. His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. ""May I ask you a question, My Lord?"" ""Go ahead, Carson ,"" said His Lordship. ""I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."" ""What word is that?"" asked His Lordship. ""Aplomb,"" My Lord. ""Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or comple…

The Sports Mechanic Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children. ""My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes 70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,"" the first woman says. ""My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 in October and he makes 100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,"" says the second woman. ""My son Max didn't go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He's 30 now, but he mak…

Three Universities ... Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is. Oxford Uni spent 100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman. Cambridge Uni spent 250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man. Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.

An professor from Cambridge and a Dubliner walk into a bar. The professor says to the Dubliner ""If you can put the words defeat, defence and detail into one sentence I will buy you the finest beer you could ever ask for"" so the Dub replies ""De horse jumped ova da fence da feat came first and da tail came last""