Guy dies and goes down to hell.... He's standing a a big red room when a door opens and Satan walks in, ""Hi, Lucifer Mourningstar, how you doing buddy? Take a seat, how ya doing?!?"" ""Not good man, not good at all"" the guy says, ""Why not good?"" Satan asks... ""Well I'm here, and you're you... This is just not good"" Satan replies, ""Nonsense! What day is it today?"" ""When I died it was Monday..."" Satan offers him a cigar, ""do ya smoke?"" ""Yeah man! ...oh that's probably why I'm here, smoked since I was 12..."" ""Nonsense, in hell, on mondays, we smoke... ANYTHING YOU WANNA SMOKE, you smoke here... In hell... On mondays! We have fun in hell, its what we do. Hey! Do ya drink?"" Satan asks, ""Oh yeah man! Aw, that's probably why I'm hear... Had 5 DUIs... Cause problems with my wife..."" ""Nonsense! Anything you wanna drink, you drink it here in hell on tuesdays, we have fun in hell, its what we do!"" Satan leans in real close and says, ""hey... are ya gay?"" Guy says, ""no man, why do ya ask?"" ""Oh, well you're not gonna like Wednesdays....""