It took my wife six hours to push out our first child. The fat bastard can live elsewhere now.#First Child#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife still out of town. I'm afraid if I order Dominos again they will call child services.#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife: The kid was holding a sparkler. Me: ...I thought her arm was on fire. Wife: You hosed her down for 9 minutes.#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp
Wife: where's the baby? Me: up on the roof Wife: THE ROOF? Me: relax. He's got sunscreen on#Marriage#Kids#One-Liner0🔗 ShareWhatsApp