A man goes to his girlfriend's parents house for Thanksgiving. Hes really nervous. This is his first time meeting her family and he's not sure what to expect. In fact, he's so nervous that it's giving him gas. Now, sitting there watching tv in the family room isn't bad because the the football game is on and it's kind of loud and of course their big old dog Harold is licking his balls and Everyone can hear that. It's not bad, because he can sit there and fart into the couch. No one hears a thing…

Plastic parrots A father is talking to his three year old son the week before his birthday. He asks him what he would like as a present, and the boy replies that he would like a parrot. His dad replies that he can't have a real parrot, but searches all around and eventually finds a plastic parrot toy. The boy's mother assures him that it will all be ok and they sit down with their son to open his presents. The father worriedly hands the plastic parrot to his son but the boy immediately loves his…

Penguin puns Not sure if I'm in the right subreddit or not. Sorry if I am. Anyways I'm trying to write a Valentine's day card for my girlfriend and I got her a stuffed penguin and I wanted to include a cute penguin pun. Anyone know any?

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetie for Valentine's Day. As they had not been dating very long, it was a very difficult decision. After careful consideration he decided a good gift would be a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. His sister purchased a pair of panties at the same time. The clerk carefully wrapped both items but in the process got them mixed up. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the pantie…