My grandma had a lock installed on her medicine cabinet poor thing no one's ever going to visit her again

If God wanted us to save money for retirement he wouldn't have invented online shopping

*grammar police reads ransom note* "Bring the money hear in too days, or she dead" *grammar cop dies* "Damn, he had 2 days until retirement"

mugger: GIMME UR MONEY "All I have is this $5 grandma gave me on my birthday" [mugger pulls off mask revealing grandma] IT'S PAYBACK TIME