Home Depot is having their "ultimate tool event" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler.

When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler

I bet when all the Baldwins go out to dinner, Alec makes a lot of eye contact while he reaches for the check.

So today my dad called me a ""Smart Alec""... ...but I had to remind him, my name is not and never was Alec.