A 13-pound baby was born in GERMANY?? C'mon Mississippi, this is why we keep you around

From a Southwest Airlines employee ""Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, s…

Mama and Papa Bear are getting divorced... and the Judge is asking Baby Bear who he wishes to live with. ""So, is it Mama or Papa?"" the Judge asks. ""Mama and Papa beat me,"" says Baby Bear. ""Well do you have any other relatives?"" asked the Judge. ""I have an uncle in Chicago,"" replies Baby Bear. ""Does he beat you too?"" asks the Judge. ""Naww,"" says Baby Bear. ""The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody.""

Newlyweds on a train. A pair of newlyweds are taking an overnight train to Chicago, and they're each on a top bunk, separated by the aisle. In the middle of the night, the husband hisses, ""baby! Baby, why don't you come on over here!"" The girl giggles, ""oh, but how can I get all the way over there?"" The man says, ""ahhh, well...I got somethin' pretty firm that you can walk over on!"" And a voice from the bunk below them says, ""yeah, but how's she gonna get *back?*""