I was talking to a farmer in a pub.... I was in a pub out the back of nowhere, with a mate, and we struck up a great conversion with an old farmer at the bar. I asked him to tell us a bit about himself, and he told is this great story. ""See, I loved tractors, right, ever since I was a little kid, my dad would take me out to lots of tractor shows around the state, and to my favourite, tractor towing contests"". I had no idea that this was a thing, and so I asked him about it. ""It's tug of war, …

A group of friends are drinking at a neighborhood bar. At closing time, one by one each friend says goodbye and leaves. The last man in the bar finishes his drink stands up and takes a step towards the door, He immediately falls flat on his face. Lying on the floor he mumbles to himself "Dang, I must be more drunk than I thought. Maybe if I crawl towards the door and get some fresh air I'll feel better." So he begins to Army crawl his way to the door. Once he gets there he pulls himself up on…

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent… A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The grunt askes “well what would you do then?” Marine replies “when a scorpion gets in my tent I usually cut off it’s tail while it…

Husband just asked if I was too drunk to cook dinner. Ha! Does he think I'm some sort of amateur? *googles how to cover up burnt eyebrows*