Me: "I need a home improvement loan." Banker: "What will you be using the money for?" Me: "A divorce lawyer."

[judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"

[at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!

Step 1:Make pillows with"Love" printed on them Step 2:Become a lawyer Step 3:Defend men who smother their GF with love Step 4:Become rich