All is fair in drunk and war.

Coolest jobs: 1)Beer maker 2)Secretary of War 3)Ninja 4)Guy who pushes scared skydivers

A Russian walks into an Ukrainian bar... And farts. The Russian says, ""I'm sorry for Putin.""

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.