Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

Popemobile pulled over... So Pope Francis was on his tour of the world, when he came to US. As he was walking out of his grand hotel and getting into the popemobile, he turned to his driver and said ""You know, I haven't had a chance to drive in years. Ever since before I was a cardinal. Would you mind if I took the car for a spin? It would help me feel young again!"" The driver, being devoted and willing to do anything for the pope agreed, but asked where he should ride if His Holiness was goin…

Pope Francis gets a new car. He's in Chicago for an appearance. His regular car is obviously not there and due to some mixup all they have is a huge SUV. When Francis sees this beast he thinks for a second. ""Hey, I've been kind of curious about these things. Do you mind if I drive?"" What are you supposed to say when the Pope asks that? ""Sure thing,"" says the driver. He hops in back and Francis gets behind the wheel. Francis is a little unused to all that engine power so they're lurching arou…

Donald Trump, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Pope Francis and a Boy Scout are all on a plane that is about to crash... They quickly realize there are only four parachutes and one of them is going to die. Barack Obama says ""I am the leader of the free world and commander in chief. I also have two daughters that need me. I must survive!"" He takes a parachute and he jumps out of the plane. Donald Trump says ""I am richest man in the world. I have a multi-billion dollar company and many jobs depen…