If swallowing battery acid mixed with Dr. Pepper doesn't turn you into a wizard, then call me an ambulance.

Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper.

Still feel bad for not considering that Dr. Pepper might be a woman.

*man choking* Is there a doc in the house? *Dr Pepper rises* *searches man's pockets* Hey ur no doctor! *moustache falls off* *it's Mr Pibb*